haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
