"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
two words: eviction party
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
