I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
