apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
