I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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