i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
