I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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