drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
