She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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