he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
