I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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