saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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