I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
