Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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