So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
