dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
