we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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