Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
