Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
