walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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