when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
