Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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