I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
