I'm so fucking centered right now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
