Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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