I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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