so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
