Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
