It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
