Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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