and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
