Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
