JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
