is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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