Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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