If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
