I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
