she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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