I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
