please come you make the beer taste better
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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