Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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