this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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