Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize