similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize