@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
