I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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