I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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