i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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