I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize