I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize