Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
