Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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