A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
