I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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