i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
