I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
