Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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