I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
