See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You made out with two different species that night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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