my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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