im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My pussy is not your playground.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
