Need sex. Gaining weight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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