I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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