My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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