He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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