That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
